Quiet Pain
by lizandhenry
Summary: What if Henry didn't make it out of Bolivia unscathed? Post "Time is At Hand"
1. Chapter 1

**Quiet Pain**

 _"Let's send Henry down there." Conrad insisted, despite Elizabeth's protests._

 _"It's the right thing to do." Henry told her_

Elizabeth was having second thoughts. She knew it was the right thing to do, but she just had a sinking feeling that something was going to happen. The same one she had right before she left for Iran just a few weeks ago. She tried to convince her mind otherwise, that Henry would be fine. Her eyes would be on him from the situation room and he'd have military backup and a wire. Plus he was a trained marine and could think well on his feet. She believed in him. She hoped she was just overreacting as a result of her lingering PTSD. But, as she kissed Henry goodbye, she couldn't help but feel as though it might have been goodbye.

She had to admire Henry for making jokes about his code name of "Cardinal." Then he complained about the panic word being "Alamo". She knew he knew she was watching and therefore he was trying to lighten the mood. She tried to calm her nerves by telling him to shut up and get on with it.

She watched with baited breath as Henry decided to enter the compound without his wire; alone. "Henry, what the hell did you just do?" She whispered, saying a silent prayer.

"We lost visual on Cardinal." Commander Parker said. Elizabeth was pacing. It was all she could do from losing her mind.

"Can we get audio or…." She asked, waving her hands frantically.

"We're working on a long range microphone." Admiral Hill said calmly, trying to assure Elizabeth her husband was in good hands. One she again heard her husband's voice she sat back in her chair and focused on his voice and her breath.

Her heart broke for her husband as he recounted the story of his young friend falling through the ice. It was a tale she had heard only a few times before. Henry didn't like to talk about it. But she took comfort in that his plan was working and he was calm.

But when Russel said, "Am I the only one thinking he shouldn't drink the tea." She flopped back in her chair taking a deep breath and unbuttoning her jacket. He hand rested on her stomach, trying to calm the nausea brewing in her belly. It was both a blessing and a curse to be witnessing this.

There was a loud noise and everyone jumped. "Someone's got him." Russel said as the camera moved in on Henry.

Conrad stood. Elizabeth's mind raced. She could abort this right now. But she had to stay focused. "Sir, he's not in distress, he didn't say Alamo." Elizabeth said as calmly as she could. Focus. Focus.

"Let it play out." Conrad said.

As the conversation went on Conrad insisted they take the captor out. As much as it terrified her, she said. "It will cause mayhem." And she knew that would be worse.

"Waiting on a clear shot." Admiral Hill said. They would only shoot if the shot was clear.

"He's got a knife." Elizabeth stood a few minutes later. Her heart was racing. The image of her husband being held with a shiny silver knife to his neck was the most awful thing she could have ever imagined. She had to fix this. Nothing could happen to Henry. He was her everything.

"Still no clean shot." Commander Parker said.

Her heart raced faster. It was bad news on top of bad news. It was a living hell. Again a blessing and a curse to watch. At the moment she knew he was safe, but she felt powerless only watching an ocean away and not being able to help him.

"Hold on Henry." Conrad stood, his voice calm. He realized Elizabeth was slowly losing her cool and he would have to make the decisions and help keep her calm.

Everyone watched with baited breath as the situation unfolded. Elizabeth could still see the shiny silver blade at her husband's neck and it terrified her.

She focused on her breath and tried to trust her husband's judgement and skills in these situations. But what Henry didn't have control over was other people. Suddenly Christine entered the room and dropped her tray, the loud noise causing panic.

Christine saw the small amount of blood on Henry's chest and stayed chanting "The time is now, the time is now."

His captor panicked and slit Henry's neck as he moved to follow Christine. Mass panic broke out and Admiral Hill sent in the cavalry. "Cardinal has been hit. Move. Move." She instructed into the microphone.

Elizabeth saw a squirt of blood before her husband disappeared from her view when he collapsed and she dropped her head to the table, squeezing her eyes closed unable to look. She silently began to pray he was okay. She couldn't bear the thought of something happening to him. They were supposed to grow old together and she couldn't face the possibility of life without him.

She faintly heard voices around her, signaling something was happening and she slowly looked up on the screen and she saw two soldiers carrying Henry's limp form out of the tent and into safety. But the blood. There was so much blood. Soaking his shirt and jacket. It was a sight she would never be able to erase from her memory. Her hand covered her face as she shakily said. "Henry…."

Her eyes were clouded with tears as she looked to Admiral Hill, silently begging her to repeat what Commander Parker was saying to her.

Conrad reached for her hand and squeezed it, trying to calm her down.

"Henry's alive." Admiral Hill said softly. "But he's lost a lot of blood. The Army medical staff is working to stabilize him from transfer. We need to get him state side for surgery. The medial care in South America is not ideal."

"Get a helicopter ready immediately." The President said. "Where do they want to take him?"

"The closest American hospital is in Miami sir. 6 hour flight."

Elizabeth suddenly felt the bile in her throat rising and she jumped from her seat and ran to the bathroom, emptying her stomach before breaking down in sobs. "Henry, please…..please don't give up." she silently begged. She had faith in her husband's strong will and the army medical staff, but six hours was a long flight. And Henry lost a lot of blood. What if he didn't have six hours?

As she emerged from the bathroom some twenty minutes later she saw Conrad waiting for her. She was somewhere between hysterical and terrified and she suddenly knew exactly who to blame.

"Bess." He said gently.

"Conrad. How could you do this…you sent him there, this is your fault!" She screamed. "If he doesn't make it…I…I" she felt a panic attack coming on. She didn't know what to do.

"Bess." He said again, helping to steady her and accepting her rage. "Bess…listen to me."

She calmed enough to look into her friends eyes as tears streamed down her face. "Oh god….please don't tell me….." she breathed, fearing the worse.

Conrad shook his head in the negative, letting her know it wasn't what she was thinking. "I've got my plane ready for you. You are getting on and you're going to meet Henry in Miami. He's been stabilized but still critical. He's lost a lot of blood." Conrad said seriously.

She broke down at the word critical and Conrad hugged her. "He's going to be okay. He's strong." He said. "He needs you Bess. You need to pull it together and go."

Elizabeth pulled back and nodded. She could do nothing else. She knew she had to get to him. But part of her was terrified she'd be going to hold his hand while he died or and it made her want to stay home. She couldn't bear it. But she had to be there for him, no matter what. For better or worse. They promised one another.

She soon found herself at home, to pack a bag and then leave. She walked in the door and found her children in the kitchen making dinner. They were joking and laughing.

She forced a smile as she walked in. She didn't know how she was going to tell them what happened but she had to. "Hi Mom." They said and then they noticed her tear stained face.

"Mom, what's wrong?" Ally asked.

She held her arms out to her babies. "Come here guys. I need to talk to you about something okay?" They hugged her and she lead them to the living room. "Sit down okay?"

She looked at their concerned faces. She looked at Allison, she was Henry's spitting image and she nearly lost it again. She swallowed down her tears and spoke. "Guys, something's happened to your dad…."

"Mom, he's at a religion conference, what could have happened?" Jason asked.

"Well, he's not really at a religion conference. You know that situation in Bolivia?"

"Dad went to Bolivia?!" Stevie exclaimed. "Why?"

"The President sent him to try and calm the leaders down and try to convince them all not to kill themselves, since he's a religious scholar….well when he was talking to them something happened….and…."

"Mom what happened!?" Allison begged as her mother broke down in tears. "Is Dad okay?"

The girls were panicked, the situation so eerily similar to just two weeks ago when their father didn't know if their mother was okay in Iran.

"He's he got hurt….he's alive." She said, at least calming that fear from them. She reached for the girls hands and held them tight. "But he needs surgery immediately. They're taking him to Miami, it's the closest hospital that can….. So I am going to go and meet him." She said softly.

"Mom we want to come." Stevie said without blinking.

"No no…..you are all staying here. I will call you and keep you updated okay." She insisted, she didn't know Henry's real condition and she didn't want her children to see their father until she saw for herself. "If you need to be there, I'll send for you okay?"

"It's that serious?" Jason whispered.

She reached for him and tilted his chin. "Could be baby….I'm so sorry."

Opening her arms she hugged all three of her children as they cried together. A few minutes later she pulled back and wiped their faces. "It's going to be okay. I love you guys." She smiled softly giving each of them a kiss as she rose and went up to the bedroom to pack a bag.

Upon entering the bedroom she felt the tears well in her eyes again. What if Henry never returned to sleep in their bed beside her? As she grabbed her things from the bathroom she smiled as she noticed he razor and after shave sitting on the counter where he had left it that morning.

She threw some of her own clothing in her suitcase and pulled some of Henry's as well, thinking he would want something comfortable to return home in. She held one of his sweater to her nose, smelling his scent and she was comforted for just a moment. Taking one last look around the room and pulled the suitcase and made her way downstairs.

Her children hugged her goodbye again. "You guys be good. I love you." She whispered.

"Take good care of Dad." Jason said.

Elizabeth gave her youngest another hug. "I will baby. I promise."

"Bye Mom. Love you." Allison said, trying her best to be strong.

She blew another kiss as she stepped out the door. Frank took her suitcase and she slid into the SUV taking a deep breath. "Hold on Henry….I'm coming." She said under her breath.

 _AN: This story was request by SA'MSecfan; wanting something to happen to Henry vs. all my stories have things that happen to Elizabeth. Hope I'm doing your request justice_ _(and that everyone else likes it too!)._


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Henry McCord tried to remain calm. He was a trained marine. Just when he had thought he had talked the leader down into letting everyone go, he heard a crash and Christine started chanting "The time is now". He then knew his efforts were in vain.

He felt the sharp point of the knife dangerously close to his skin. He tried to hold his breath to avoid his throat expanding. He didn't want anyone to die. That's why he came here. But when he heard the chants he knew many lives would be lost, despite his best effort.

He prayed he wouldn't be one of the casualties. He knew Elizabeth was watching this unfold in the situation room. He wondered why she hadn't sent in the Calvary to get him yet. He wondered if perhaps they couldn't see him in the tent. Maybe in that respect it was good. He couldn't bear the thought of Elizabeth seeing him like this. He knew the pain of those images in your head. He had a few of those in his head of her in Iran. He didn't want them in her head too.

In that moment with the cold steel pressed against his skin, he felt terribly guilty. Maybe he shouldn't have come, as Elizabeth wanted. He didn't want to even think about not getting out alive. She needed him, she had PTSD for Christ stakes and here he was leaving her alone, while he went on some sainthood mission. Not only that, but he came into the camp unarmed and without backup. All he could think about was how to get out alive. He was quite sure she was suffering a panic attack in the situation room as she watched. He had to find a way.

Think Henry. Think.

He decided his best option was to elbow the leader in the groin then step on his toes. It was a technique he learned in a basic self-defense class. One he had taught Elizabeth. He counted to three and did it. The leader screamed in pain, but as he crouched to cover himself, something happened Henry wasn't anticipating. The knife began to puncture his skin anyway.

When he felt the first prick, he immediately turned his head, ensuring the knife didn't hit his main artery as his captor sliced his skin (not on purpose, just a result of his knee jerk reaction to the elbow in the groin). Henry pressed his hand to his neck, trying to stop the gushing blood as he fell to the ground saying "Alamo," while his captor had fled, in search of the poison.

It was the last thing he remembered.

*****Quiet Pain******

Elizabeth paced Air Force One. She had hundreds of things running through her mind.

"M'am." Frank said calmly. When she didn't respond he said it loudly. "M'am?"

She looked up at him.

"M'am, please sit." Frank encouraged.

Sighing in frustration she took a seat. A few moments later her phone buzzed and it startled her. She was afraid to answer.

"Hello?" she whispered with shaking hands as she gripped the phone.

"Madam Secretary. It's Dr. Marshall."

"Hello doctor." She swallowed

"M'am, I just wanted to let you know that we have been able to stabilize your husband. I think he will be okay the remainder of the flight." He didn't want to alarm her too terribly right away with trachea he had to insert and that he was methodically squeezing the balloon to help him breathe ever few seconds. Not until she landed anyway. "We've got him on IV fluids and are giving him blood, but he's still unconscious."

She nodded. "That's…..thank you." She didn't know what else to say. She was still unsure of all of his injuries, but the fact that he was confident in him making it to Miami was a good sign. "Do you think he can hear me if I were to talk to him?"

She had heard that some doctors believed people could hear, even when they were unconscious. Even if he couldn't speak to her, she wanted him to know she was there.

"We never know for sure M'am, but it's always worth a try. I can hold the phone to his ear if you like."

"Yes, please." She said. She wasn't sure what she would say. But she wanted Henry to hear her voice. It was all she could offer to him right now. She knew when she was scared in Iran, she would have given anything to hear his voice, to assure her that it would be okay.

Taking a deep breath she began to speak. "Hi baby. It's me…." She began, somewhat unsure of what to say, considering he couldn't respond to her. "I just…I need you to hang in there okay? Henry, you need to keep fighting. I am on the way to meet you in Miami…." Her voice broke. "I love you baby."

Tears streamed down her face and splashed onto her phone as she regained her composure and continued to speak. "Henry, I'm so proud of you. You know that right? You saved all those other people in Bolivia. You were so brave….and I need you to keep being brave. I'm trying to be brave. But I am mad at you for going on there without protection. I am allowed to be mad you know, I am your wife…..you could've….are you trying to get even with me for Iran?" she was rambling now, trying to make bad jokes. She knew Henry would appreciate them. "Because you know, you have to be strong and make it. You can't go back on our deal…..remember our deal? The one where I die first so I don't have to live without you."

She didn't know it but her voice was helping to soothe Henry. The doctors noted a slight improvement in his vitals.

Doctor Marshall pulled the phone to his ear. "Please keep talking to him M'am. I think he can hear you, his heart rate has gone up a little."

"Um…okay..." she whispered. She wasn't sure what to talk about, but then something came to her mind. "Henry…you know what I keep thinking about? That time in college when I got the flu really badly. Do you remember?" she asked with a slight, embarrassed laugh. "I don't know why I keep thinking about it today…it's such an odd thing to think about….."

******Quiet Pain******

26 years ago

Henry knocked on the door to Elizabeth's dorm room looking handsome in dress slacks and a button down.

Elizabeth opened the door, beautiful as ever in a short black dress and patent pumps.

"You look beautiful." He said, pulling her into a kiss.

"Thank you. You look very nice too." She said.

Henry pushed her back after the kiss and felt her forehead with the back of his hand, sensing her body heat when he wrapped her in his arms. "Babe, do you feel okay? You're a little flush." He asked, concerned.

She brushed it off as she grabbed her jacket. "I'm fine." Truthfully she had felt a little sick all day, but chalked it up to the frigid weather. Nothing was stopping her from their 6 month anniversary dinner.

"Okay." He said, and lead her to the car.

On the way she tripped slightly and laughed it off as a fault of her high heels. "You sure you're okay babe?" he asked.

"Just a little lightheaded I guess. I haven't eaten all day." She backtracked. "You know, saving it all for tonight."

He smiled at her and placed his hand over his as he drove in the direction of the restaurant. On the way there Elizabeth was oddly quiet and as he held her hand, it was clammy and he definitely knew something was wrong. His mother was a nurse after all. As he suspected she suddenly cried for him to pull over as she pushed open her car door and threw up on the side of the road.

It was the first time she'd been sick since they started dating. He rubbed her back as she retched and held her golden hair. When she was through he handed her a bottle of water he always had in the car and brushed her tears. "We're definitely not going to dinner, I'm taking you home to bed." He said softly as she continued to hiccup.

"I'm sorry! I really did think I would feel better once I ate." She insisted. "I've ruined our anniversary."

"It's okay. You did nothing of the kind. You're sick sweetheart. We'll just go back to my place and rent a video and you can rest, away from your noisy dorm."

She nodded. "Okay."

When she was settled, he turned the car around and headed back to her dorm to pick up some of her things. On the way back he had to pull over at least one other time. He felt her head as he drove. She was burning up, warmer than she was when they had left. He was quick to run into her room and pack a bag with some of her favorite lounge clothes with the help of her roommate. He was glad she had some of her pajamas and bathroom items at his place already.

His next stop was the drug store. He felt awful leaving her in the car, but he was in and out quickly with an assortment of items for the night.

Supporting her as they walked to his apartment, he ushered her inside and he slid her coat off, seeing the sweat pooled on her neck. She immediately shivered and ran under the covers in his bed while he put away the groceries. Grabbing the ear thermometer, he silently thanked his mother for ensuring he had it in his apartment, and went to take her temperature.

As suspected, she had a high fever 103 degrees, but she shivered under the blankets. Henry gently pulled the heavy blankets back and she fussed. "Sweetheart, you are burning up. No blankets. We need to get your fever down."

"But it's freezing!" she complained

He left her to fuss and drew a lukewarm bath. It wasn't freezing, but the water was somewhat cool. He hoped it would help. He returned to the bedroom and she was cocooned in the blankets once again. "Honey." He said gently. "Come on. Let's get you in the tub."

Elizabeth was reluctant to follow him, but when she got up, her stomach heaved again and she rushed to the bathroom. He waited until she was done and handed her a glass of water. She sat with her face against the toilet, the cool porcelain feeling good on her head as she sucked in air. "You're okay." He said as he rubbed her back.

Once she was calm he handed her two Tylenols. "Come on, take these." He encouraged. She swallowed them and he hoped her stomach would remain calm enough for them to stay down and helped her into the tub. She whined and fussed about the temperature, but he made her stay in it for at least fifteen minutes and splashed the cool water on her skin.

Henry took wonderful care of her all night. He managed to get her to eat some chicken broth and a few crackers. She still had a fever, but she slept through the night.

Sometime the next afternoon Elizabeth woke up, and Henry smiled at her. "Hey, you." He said, reaching to stroke her hair.

"Hi." She mumbled, snuggling closer to his seated position on the bed beside her. He was reading, silently watching her.

"You feel any better?" he asked

"A little."

He felt her head. "I think your fever has finally broke. Feel up to some soup? It's a McCord family flu special."

She nodded and sat up, willing to give it a try. Henry soon returned with a cup of his homemade chicken noodle soup. "Slowly." He encouraged as she slowly sipped the hot liquid.

"It tastes good. You made this?"

"From scratch."

"You're an excellent cook."

She managed to get the cup of soup down and then laid back down, asking that he lay with her. "Wouldn't have it any other way." He said as he snuggled in beside her, planting a gentle kiss to her forehead.

They lay smiling at one another for a while before she reached up and cupped his cheek. "I'm sorry I ruined our anniversary."

"Nonsense. We can go out next weekend. I mean, we were together – that's all that matters."

She laughed for a moment. "No seriously, Henry. Thank you for taking good care of me. Even though I was probably a pain in the ass last night." She said softly.

He smirked at her, planting another kiss to her forehead. "You were kind of a pain in the ass, but it was rather cute."

She grinned and playfully smacked his shoulder. "I mean it Henry." Her voice softened. "No one has ever taken care of me when I was sick…not since my mom died." She finished, biting her lip.

Henry's face softened and he cupped her cheek. "Well I'm here now, I'll always take care of you." Her eyes gazed up at him, searching for any doubt, but found none. He was serious. "Elizabeth." He said. "I was going to tell you this last night. I've been feeling this was for quite a while now. It was supposed to be romantic, but I'll tell you now. I'll always take care of you, because that's what you do when you love someone." He whispered.

Elizabeth's lips smiled brightly at him as she whispered "I love you too, Henry."

*****Quiet Pain******

Elizabeth finished the story with a sad smile on her face. It was that night that they said I love you. That night they promised to always care for one another. "So baby…..I'm here and I'm not going anywhere. I'll be here, and I'll take good care of you….I just need you to fight….please Henry. I love you."

She talked to him the whole remainder of the flight. She wasn't even sure what she said; what silly stories she told him of their past, but she was waiting in the hospital hallway when they came running in with his gurney. Mustering up her last bit of energy, she ran to catch up to the gurney and reached for his hand, gripping it tightly as the doctors rushed him into the OR. She could barely register the tubes and paleness of his skin, she just focused on his hand, holding it tight. "I'm here baby…..I'm right here…." She whispered and she swore she thought she faintly felt him gripping her fingers back.

As they pulled away where she wasn't allowed to be, she stood frozen in the white hallway, staring as the double doors swung back and forth as they closed. She wasn't sure how long she stood there, her hand held out in front of her before she heard a calm voice. "M'am? M'am?" Frank was calling.

She finally turned to look at him and he gently guided her to the waiting room nearby.

 _A/N: First and always thank you all so much for your support & reviews! I very much appreciate it! I promise to try and update as quick as I can. My work schedule should ease up a little after next weekend thus allowing more writing time. Also HUGE thanks to RenDot for helping me with the medical aspect of this story. You will all hear about Henry's injuries in the next chapter. Please share your thoughts as I impatiently sit here waiting for tonight's episode to start!_


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Hello Everyone! Happy M Sec Day! I am so very sorry for the delay in this story. Many of you know the reason for the delay - so thank you for your messages during the week to help get me through! After 14 days of 12 hour work days, I have rested and plan to get back to regular writing. Many thanks to RenDot again for your medical knowledge - and also for the idea about Will._

 **Chapter 3**

The waiting was going on longer than she imagined. It seemed like days. She was in a daze as she sat in one of the plastic chairs, her heart beating rapidly. Her gaze was glued to her fingers, fingers that Henry gently gripped for the brief moment before his surgery began. She starred at his dried blood on her hand until a steaming cup of tea came into her view. "M'am?" she heard Frank's voice seconds later. "Please?"

She glanced up at him, her blue eyes full of fear. "Thank you, Frank." She said quietly and reached for the cup with a shaking hand and sipped the drink.

A few moments later she rose and looked out the window, still sipping the tea, attempting to calm down. She debated a xantax, but she had to stay alert until she had word on her husband.

In the distance she could see the beautiful blue of the Miami beaches, waves crashing against the sand in the early evening light. It was beautiful, but instead of the scenery calming her it caused her to choke back a sob as she suddenly wished she and Henry could be walking down that beach right now. "God please let him be okay." She said to herself.

The loud dancing musical notes coming from her phone jolted her from her daze. She pulled her phone from her pocket and slid the green button across the screen, taking a breath and composing herself.

"Mom?" Stevie's shy voice came from the phone.

"Hi baby." She said, swallowing the lump in her throat , forcing herself to not sound terrified.

"Hi. We just wanted to call and check in…."Stevie's voice trailed.

Elizabeth pictured her children huddled in she and Henry's bed, the phone on speaker and Stevie being the brave one and calling. She pictured them huddled up with Henry when they were waiting to hear about her. They shouldn't have had to do this again.

"We wanted to make sure you landed okay and…." Stevie trailed, not wanting to ask for fear of bad news. She knew her mother would have called with an update and she should have assumed no news was good news, but she had to be sure.

"I did baby. I'm at the hospital. Dad is still in surgery. But I saw him for a quick second before he went in so…" Elizabeth said, trying to be positive.

Stevie nodded, looking to her brothers and sisters. "What is he having surgery for?"

Elizabeth looked up and wiped her tears away. "I don't know baby…..they haven't come to talk to me yet."

"Mom, we deserve to know." Stevie pleaded. She was just like Elizabeth sometimes, never faltering from her ground.

"Baby. I really don't know all the details. As soon as I do I promise to call okay?"

"Fine." Stevie choked back a sob.

"Baby. I promise. Dad squeezed my hand before I went in – so that's a really good sign okay?"

"Okay." Elizabeth heard the tears this time.

"I love you guys." Elizabeth promised as she went to hang up.

"Mom wait! Please, you shouldn't have to wait alone. We can come…..we…" Stevie pleaded. She was sensitive to her mother's PTSD and didn't want her mother alone.

"I'm fine guys. Really. You sit tight and I'll call soon. Okay? Love you." She repeated, not sure who she was trying to convince.

"Love you, Mom." She heard Ally and Jason say before they hung up.

Elizabeth set the phone on the table and put her head in her hands as she sobbed again.

*****Quiet Pain*****

"Okay guys. Clearly something is going on that mom is not telling us." Stevie said to her siblings.

"Should we call Grandpa?"

"No. Let's wait until we know. Mom has enough to deal with. But maybe we should call Uncle Will…."Stevie wondered.

"Yea, he's a doctor. Maybe he can find out what's going on and tell us!" Jason said.

"We should ask him to go sit with Mom. She shouldn't be alone." Ally suggested. "Do you think he would?"

Stevie shrugged her shoulders. "Let's find out."

*****Quiet Pain******

"Hi McCords." Will Adams greeted with a smile over his skype account.

"Hi Uncle Will!" Stevie put on her best smile, as did Jason & Ally. But Will immediately noticed their red, puffy eyes.

"What's wrong guys?" Will asked, concerned. "Is your Mom okay?" He thought back to when Henry called him after he had heard about the Iran situation on the news. Henry told him how Elizabeth was okay, but was suffering PTSD. He had made a note to come visit and make sure his sister was okay. By the looks on his nieces' and nephew's face he wondered if she had another attack.

"Mom's okay…I think. But it's our Dad." Stevie began.

"What is it?"

"We aren't sure. Mom came home from work and told us that Dad went on some mission to Bolivia, to save a religious cult. Apparently he somehow got hurt and was air lifted to Miami. Mom went to meet him…..but no one will tell us what is wrong….and Mom….she wouldn't let us come….and he's in surgery but we don't know for what and…."

"She shouldn't be there alone." Will finished for Stevie.

"Exactly." Stevie replied. "Can you help us Uncle Will?"

He looked across skype at the sad eyes of the McCord children. He thought back briefly to when he lost both his parents. He knew exactly what they felt like. Alone and scared. Just as he and Elizabeth felt when they were children. Granted, Elizabeth was still there and Henry seemed to be fighting, but it was scary nonetheless. His nieces and nephews were living their own kind of hell. Having one parent almost taken, and two weeks later the other was in danger.

Then he thought about his sister. Even though she was younger, she was always the brave one, the one that took care of him. He was so happy when she found Henry. Finally someone to take care of her, and that he did. He was wonderful. He couldn't imagine what Elizabeth was feeling right now. He was also worried this could trigger a PTSD episode, and it was the last thing anyone needed.

He nodded to the kids. "I'll fly right out."

"Thank you Uncle Will!" Stevie smiled.

"You bet kiddo. I'll go look after your Mom. Do you think you can handle those two trouble makers?" He smiled.

"Of course." Steve smiled, pulling her siblings in for a hug.

"Alright. Stay strong McCords." He said, closing his computer.

******Quiet Pain******

Meanwhile in Miami, a doctor appeared in the door frame. He was an older man, in great shape with salt and pepper hair like Henry's. He was clearly an experienced surgeon. "Madam Secretary?"

She looked up and timidly shook the doctor's hand as he offered it "Just Mrs. McCord tonight…"

He offered her a kind smiled as he took the seat beside her. "Alright then, Mrs. McCord. I'm Dr. Peter Gibson."

She looked up at him timidly, waiting for what he was going to throw at her. She prayed it was good news.

"Your husband pulled through the surgery." He said gently, watching as she let out a breath.

"So he's….he's going to be okay?" she asked.

"Well, making it through the surgery is a very good sign, but he's not completely out of the woods yet."

Elizabeth felt the tears return to her eyes.

The doctor reached out and grabbed her hand. "Your husband lost quite a bit of blood and was unconscious for a long time before he got here. We will know more when he wakes up, but I do want to caution you that he could have brain damage."

"Brain damage….." she repeated

"When someone has lost that amount of blood and was deprived of oxygen for an unknown amount of time, it's always a possibility. But like I said, him making it through surgery is a very good sign. He's strong."

"That he is." She tried to smile.

"As far as his injuries, those were limited to his neck. He did have some damage to his airway, so we had to perform a tracheostomy. He was very lucky the knife missed his major arteries, but it did damage his vocal cords. We were able to repair, but expect him not to be able to speak for a while as it heals. He also has on a neck brace, which will help keep his neck steady while it heals. "

She nodded. She wasn't sure she could remember all that was said. All she heard was possible brain damage, tracheostomy and no speaking and it sounded terrifying. But she clung to the hope he would be fine. He made it through the surgery and gripped her hand. She knew he knew she was there His brain was _fine_.

"You can see him now if you like." He encouraged.

"Yes…." She said, rising to her feet.

The doctor guided her trembling form to his room. "We've set up a second bed for you M'am. We want to make sure you can rest too, we understand you recently went through an incredible ordeal yourself."

"I'm fine." She insisted.

"Of course M'am. But nonetheless, you need to take care of yourself too. "

She timidly walked into Henry's room. The lights were dim and the monitors beeped steadily. It made the neck brace look less scary in the dim light. She swallowed back her tears as she set her coat and bag on the chair and moved to sit on the edge of his bed. "Baby, I'm here." She whispered, pressing her lips to his forehead and running her fingers through his hair. "You are going to be just fine...you just need some rest...I love you."

Ignoring the bed that was beside his, she curled her slim form around Henry, allowing him to feel her presence, her warmth, and her breath on his cheek.

She draped her arm around his middle, inching her fingers beneath his hand as it rested on his chest. After a few minutes she felt him again, just barley griping her fingers with his. He _knew_ she was there and it was all she needed to assure herself that he would be okay.


	4. Chapter 4

_AN: Happy M-Sec Sunday! WOW that episode was great. That's an understatement obviously! I hope you all enjoyed it! This chapter is more of a filler chapter I needed to get me through the next part (which is halfway done). This chapter was getting so long I decided to split it in two..one because of the length and two, well so you could have an update! Hope you all enjoy! I hope to get the next update up sooner...please keep the comments coming - they mean the world to me...and thanks for those sticking with it even though I have been slow lately!_

Chapter 4

"Excuse me, Sir?" Frank held up his hand at the man moving toward Henry's hospital room around 6am the next morning.

The scruffy haired man held up his hand in apology. "I'm sorry. I'm Will Adams, the Secretary's brother."

Frank softened his gaze . "ID please."

Will handed over his ID and Frank called it into his earpiece for verification. He didn't recall the secretary ever mentioning a brother and he had to make sure. Frank soon handed back his ID after someone confirmed in his earpiece and allowed him to proceed. "Thank you Mr. Adams."

Politely nodding as he put his passport away, he opened the door quietly and entered the room. What he saw was oddly peaceful and beautiful, yet heartbreaking at the same time; Elizabeth curled up to Henry, his hand covering hers as they both slept. He knew Henry was not conscious and made notes of what machines he was on, what his vitals were and such. His medical degree told him Henry was stable, which was good, but he'd want to find more out from his surgeon to make sure everything was being done properly. He knew his sister probably only half heard the doctor explain things to her; as did most families he had encountered in these situations. He wanted to be prepared to explain everything and make sure she understood.

Not wanting to disturb his sister seeing as she was actually resting, he went to the closet for a blanket and covered her. Then he closed the door and turned to Frank. "How long has she been asleep?" Will asked her security guard

"I can't say how long she's been sleeping, but she's been lying there next to him since around 10pm last night when he got out of surgery." Rest was the best thing for her PTSD following any trigger or episode. He didn't know if she had panicked, but regardless – it was traumatic for her and she needed rest as much as Henry if she was going to be any help to him.

Will nodded as he saw Dr. Gibson approaching to check on Henry.

"Dr. Gibson." He said, offering his hand to Will

"Dr. Will Adams. The brother-in-law."

"Ah."

"Mind if I join you? I'd like to view Henry's chart if I can." Will said, getting right to the point. He needed to familiarize himself quickly to be prepared for to prepare his sister for whatever he needed to.

Dr. Gibson eyed him for a minute and agreed. The doctor turned to go in, but Will put his hand on his arm. "I'm sorry, Doctor, if you don't mind – can we review Henry's chart first. My sister is sleeping and I'd like for her to sleep as long as possible."

"Sure." Dr. Gibson agreed, leading Will down the hall to the waiting room where he could review the file; a professional courtesy.

"So where do you practice Dr. Adams?" Dr. Gibson asked, trying to get a sense of why Dr. Adams seemed to be so suspicious of him.

"Syria. I'm a surgeon. You haven't done surgery until you've done it in a third world country with limited resources."

"Very admirable."

The pair continued the discussion of Henry's injuries and Will was satisfied with the care Henry had received and they made their way to Henry's room to check on him. Will explained to Dr. Gibson he wasn't trying to find fault with him, but rather trying to understand Henry's injuries so he could help Elizabeth cope.

Upon entering the room, Dr. Gibson wasn't pleased to find Elizabeth curled up to Henry. "Dr. Adams, perhaps this evening you could convince your sister to sleep in the bed we have had placed for her. I don't want her to fidget in her sleep and disturb Dr. McCord's neck brace." Dr. Gibson suggested quietly as he checked the data recorded on Henry's machines.

"Good luck with that." Will said dryly. He knew his sister well enough to know it was going to be difficult to pry her from her husband's side. He'd always been happy his sister had found Henry. Their connection and love for one another was deeper than he'd ever seen before. He was so grateful his sister found that happiness, Henry filled the hole in her heart left by their parents. But because she loved him so much, he knew this was even harder for her to see him like this. Terrifying. It was the same thing he recognized in Henry when he had called him to tell him about Elizabeth in Iran. He'd never heard such anguish from Henry.

Elizabeth stirred as she sensed movement around her. Henry's machines were beeping differently then the pattern she was used to overnight.

She soon realized that the Doctor was in checking him that may have caused his heart rate to rise. She kissed his temple and tried to soothe him. "Shh. It's okay baby. The doctor is just here checking on you."

The doctor noted the reduction in his heart rate when she spoke and Will raised his eyebrows at him.

"Mrs. McCord, I need to change your husband's dressings, can you give me a little more room?" Dr. Gibson asked nicely.

She nodded and kissed her husband again. "I'll be right back sweetheart. Dr. Gibson needs to change your bandages. Okay?"

Stepping off the bed, she bumped into Will and jumped in fright.

"Will what are you doing here?" she asked, nestling into his embrace, grateful for the hug.

"You shouldn't be alone." He whispered into her hair. "Stevie called me."

Elizabeth sighed into her brother's chest. Part of her wanted to be angry at Stevie, but part of her was happy he was there. She'd been through two life threatening situations in the past several weeks and as difficult as it was for her to admit, she needed to lean on her brother. She'd almost lost her husband and it was scary. Scarier than when she'd lost her parents. Only Will would understand her anguish.

Will embraced his sister tightly. "It's okay Lizzie." He whispered to her as he felt her tears stinging his neck.

When Dr. Gibson had finished with Henry he nodded to Will as he left the room. Elizabeth immediately pulled away, wiping at her face and moved back toward Henry. Will grabbed her hand gently, pulling her back. "Lizzie, when was the last time you ate?" he knew his sister well. She was thin to begin with, but she looked even thinner now.

She paused. She wasn't really sure. "I'm not hungry." She said simply.

"You need to eat Lizzie." He insisted as gently as he could. "Why don't you come back to the hotel with me and shower, change and I'll buy you breakfast. You'll feel better once you do."

"No. I need to stay until Henry wakes up." She said, curling around Henry once again.

"It could be a while. Please Lizzie?" he asked again, gently touching her shoulder.

"Fine." She finally agreed. "Baby, I'll be back soon. Will is here, so I'm going to go have some breakfast with him. Then I'll be right back. I promise." She told him softly, stroking his hair and planting a kiss to his cheek.


	5. Chapter 5

AN: Hi again! Look! Regular updates! I have 2 more story ideas - but I WILL FINISH THIS ONE first! Hope you are all still enjoying this. I took this chapter as an opportunity to explore Elizabeth & Will's relationship. Next chapter. I promise - back to Henry! Please keep leaving your comments; they make my day!

 **chapter 5:**

The hotel was right on the beach. In her suite; now a necessary evil for security reasons; she showered, brushed her teeth and dressed in her jeans, a tank top and a long open cardigan; her staple comfort wear. It did refresh her somewhat, the hot water working wonders on her tired limbs.

After drying her hair she surveyed her appearance in the mirror, noticing the red rims of her eyes and the puffy dark circles beneath them. They reminded her of the situation and she momentarily flashed back to the moment in the situation room when she saw the knife and sucked in a breath, closing her eyes, trying to rid the vision.

It took her a few moments to regain her composure once again and re-focus on the task at hand. She dabbed a bit of concealer to cover the puffiness and swiped some blush on her cheeks, trying to be as presentable as she could, unsure how she was going to manage to put food in her knotted stomach.

After his own shower, refreshing him after the long flight, Will waited for his sister and silently escorted her to the quaint restaurant on the hotel beach. He asked the waitress for a table outside, hoping the early morning sun would do his sister some good.

Elizabeth and Will sipped on their coffee in silence as they stared at one another from across the table. When the waitress came, Elizabeth went to order French Toast; always seeking carbs when she was stressed, but will stopped her and ordered her an omelet and potatoes. "Protein, Elizabeth." He warned, and she agreed.

They sat in silence for a while. Will was observing his sister's mood. They needed to have a serious conversation. He wanted not only to prepare her for what might happen when Henry woke up, but he wanted to hear what happened. And he wanted to hear about Iran, to understand how she was doing and how she was feeling.

He reached across the table for her hand, and her blue eyes met his. "Lizzie. Tell me what happened."

Swallowing, she felt the tears brew in her eyes again. She pulled her hand away, tightening her sweater around her thin frame, shivering as she looked out at the ocean waves. The breeze ruffled her hair slightly as she tried to focus on her breath, taking another sip of coffee, her hands cupping the warm mug for warmth.

"Henry went to Bolivia." Her voice shook, and she looked away again. He knew she was remembering, but he didn't know what.

As he observed her his phone buzzed; a text from Stevie. "How's mom?"

He watched Elizabeth fight images in her head as he texted her back. "We're having breakfast. Your dad is still asleep. Don't worry. I've got them." He texted back.

"Thank you Uncle Will. Please call if there's any update. Tell mom we love her."

"Okay sweetie." He texted her again.

"Lizzie." He tried, reaching for her hand again, trying to pull her back to the present. His touch jolted her from her memory. "Tell me where you went."

"Henry went to Bolivia." She said again. In her mind the terrible images played in her mind. Squeezing her eyes shut, she tried to make them stop. The shiny knife and the blood squirting, she couldn't erase it. "He….went to help the religious group, by request of the President." She explained.

She was interrupted when the waitress came by with their orders. Will gave her a smile as she walked away. Elizabeth picked up her fork and ate a minuscule bite of her omelet. "He went inside the compound without any weapon or backup. It was going well for a while. They were really listening to him."

"Sounds like Henry." Will said, smiling at his sister.

She smiled back sadly. "I know. He always wants to help…..but then they started the call. They had a knife, I saw it….in the situation room. I couldn't do anything but watch them slice open his….neck "she broke down.

Will quickly moved to her side of the table and wrapped his arm around her, soothing her as he looked to the beach, searching for answers for her.

****Quiet Pain****

"How are Annie & Sophie?" Elizabeth asked her brother, trying to focus on something happier as she continued to pick at her food.

"They're great." He smiled, filtering his iphone so she could scroll through a few recent photos.

Elizabeth smiled brightly at the photos of her 5 year old niece with her adorable freckles and curly red hair. The photos showed her and her puppy, her face covered in ice cream and a few with her mother, Sophie. But Will was not in any of the photos – she had guessed he hadn't been home in a while and those were photos Sophie had sent him. "She's precious."

"Yea." Will agreed, looking down as he paused. "Lizzie….I-"

"What is it?"

"I know you think I haven't been home. But I went home for a while a few weeks ago….after Henry called me…..about…."

"About what?" he voice angered.

"He called to tell me about Iran."

Her face dropped.

"Lizzie, he was so worried about you. I've never heard him sound so lost. He told me everything. It scared me too…you know.…..I realized I hadn't seen you in a while. I realized I couldn't lose you….it scare me to think I almost did. I realized I missed my girls too."

Elizabeth was silent.

"Henry and I were planning to surprise you. I was going to bring the girls and come for a long visit this spring."

"That would be nice." Elizabeth said softly.

"Lizzie. When Stevie called me…..I left right away. You were always there, trying to protect me, even though I was supposed to be the one protecting you. PTSD is no joke. Henry was worried about you….And I was too."

"Henry was NOT worried about me anymore. If he was he never would have went to Bolivia! He knew I didn't want him to go and he went anyway." she cried, suddenly so upset. She wondered why she hadn't thought of this before. If Henry was so concerned about her PTSD what right did he have to leave her when she needed him?

"Calm down." Will said, reaching for her hand. "Please. You know that isn't true."

"No it is! And I deserved it. Because I went to Iran when Henry all but begged me not to. I hurt him. And he's hurting me back."

"Lizzie. Stop it." Will raised his voice slightly and she sucked back a breath.

When Will realized he frightened her with his loud voice he moved back to her side of the table and pulled her for a hug. She was still exhibiting PTSD signs, understandably. Mood swings. "I'm sorry. It's alright. You're upset."

****Quiet Pain*****

After breakfast the Adams siblings found themselves walking on the beach.

"Lizzie. I reviewed Henry's chart." Will said quietly, opening the conversation he was dreading after they had walked a while.

Elizabeth focused on the soothing sound of the waves on the beach and the seagulls chirping before she spoke. "Dr. Gibson said Henry would be fine." She explained, trying to end it right there.

"I don't think that's what he said." Will tried. His sister was under stress. Not to mention head strong, much like himself. He knew this conversation would be difficult with that combination.

"No Will. After the surgery he said Henry would be fine." Her voice sounded panicked.

"Lizzie, I have to do this with families more than I'd like to. When you are in that situation it can be difficult to remember and process. It's completely normal. But I need you to be prepared for…."

Elizabeth pushed him away, standing to face him in the sand. "Prepare me for what! Dr. Gibson said Henry made it through surgery and he would be _fine_."

Will placed his hand on her shoulder, speaking softly. "Lizzie. I talked to him and went over his chart this morning while you were sleeping. That's not entirely true."

Elizabeth felt the tears well in her eyes. She distinctly remembered Dr. Gibson telling her the surgery went well. What was she forgetting?

"Henry lost nearly three pints of blood. He his body was in shock. He lost consciousness on the airplane ride for an unknown amount of time." His voice was quiet and Elizabeth looked terrified. "Lizzie, he might have brain damage. They will do tests when he wakes up and –"

"No!" she shouted as she interrupted. "Henry does not have brain damage. He has to wear his brace for a while and he can't talk until his vocal cords heal. But otherwise he is fine."

"You don't know that-" Will tried again.

"I do know!" She insisted. "Will, you weren't there. Henry…I talked to him half of his flight. The doctor said he could hear me….and when he arrived, he gripped my hand. He did it again last night…he….he." she cried, her voice breaking as she suddenly couldn't breathe.

"Shh….deep breaths." Will calmed her, recognizing the panic attack instantly.

It took her a few moments to calm down but when she did she pushed Will away. "Henry doesn't have brain damage Will! How dare you come here and say things like that." She screamed and walked ahead of him in the sand. "Why don't you just go back to Africa or wherever go to avoid your family!"

He stood looking after her, defeated. He understood her behavior and her anger. He had been a shitty brother at times. But he was trying to change that. He didn't want to believe his brother in law had brain damage either. But it _was_ a possibility, and he needed his sister to prepare herself and her children for that.

He gave her space for a few moments then sat beside her on the cluster of rocks where she had sat down and been staring off into the sky, hiding her tears beneath her sunglasses. He said nothing, just simply sat beside her.

"I'm sorry." She whispered, after a while "for snapping at you."

"It's okay. I probably deserved it." He said, eliciting a tiny laugh from her as he grasped her hand. "I think it's a really good sign that Henry was responding to your voice and holding your hand. That part doesn't surprise me. You two are like….."

"It was a faint grasp, but it was there." Her voice still a whisper; as she didn't pick up on the compliment he was giving her.

"And it's a good sign he made it through surgery. I just…..your my kid sister Lizzie. I just don't want you to be unprepared. He could have other types of brain damage even though he remembers you. He could be paralyzed….it could be temporary….."

She didn't respond with words but simply laid her head on his shoulder. Will pulled her into his arms and held her, not saying anything either.

"I can't lose him Will."

"You won't." Will assured her. "And I hope he doesn't have brain damage. I really do. But if he does, I'll help in any way I can. You won't go through this alone. "

She nodded against his chest. "How long can you stay?"

"As long as you need. I'm not going anywhere."

She offered him a slight smile. "Thanks Will."

"Hey. What are big brothers for?" he teased her.


	6. Chapter 6

_AN: This chapter is mostly in Henry's POV; his thoughts in Italics. I worked REALLLY hard on this chapter. It was tough to write. So please leave your comments :) They make me so happy! And also, many thanks again for RenDot's help with the medical stuff in the chapter as far as making Henry wake up in a realistic way._

 **Chapter 6**

Henry McCord stirred when he felt his wife move from his side. He faintly heard her voice. She said something about the doctor changing his dressings. Now he understood the unfamiliar touch on his neck.

It hurt. He wanted to say something but he couldn't seem to pull himself from the thick fog that enveloped his head. His limbs felt heavy. His eyelids felt glued shut. His mouth was dry. So he waited until it was over, focusing on the whispering he heard from his wife.

His senses were on high alert, trying to understand what was going. Someone else was in the room.

Then he heard his wife's voice again. After a few minutes he recognized the voice of the other person; it was Will, his brother-in-law. Henry was glad Will was there. He couldn't imagine what Elizabeth was thinking watching him unable to open his eyes. He tried to speak. He tried to thank Will for taking Elizabeth to eat. _Yes, she needs to eat Will. You know she forgets_. But nothing came from his dry mouth and the darkness came over him again.

*****Quiet Pain*****

Later that afternoon he sensed his wife's presence again and he felt maybe he could find the strength to escape the fog. He could do anything with her by his side. He heard her voice. "Hey baby. I'm sorry I took so long. But I'm back now."

 _Don't be sorry, baby._ Truth be told, he had no concept of time. He didn't know how long she had been gone, how long he had been out of it. _Perhaps not that long. I remember her saying breakfast. Maybe it was only afternoon now?_ He felt her soft fingers stroking his hair and her lips brushing on his cheek and instantly felt better. He fought to wake up. She was so worried and he could tell. _" I'm fine baby"_ he wanted to say, but he was still fighting the hazy cloud that was enveloping him again.

She curled her warm body back around him. He wanted to wrap his arms around her and hold her. _"Just rest baby. We'll rest together."_ He thought. He took solace in her presence. Maybe he should be resting instead of fighting to awaken. He let the fog overtake him again as he breathed in her scent. Her shampoo. _She showered._

He soon felt another blanket being placed. He heard Elizabeth thank her brother and asked him to dim the lights. All he could do is grip her fingers. It was the only part of his body that would move when he wanted it to. It took all the strength he could muster. He felt her fingers squeeze his back and felt her warm breath on his cheek as she fell into a light sleep. Her lips occasionally pressed to his skin as she whispered her love. _"I love you too baby…."_ He wished he could say.

Henry tried to sleep. But his body wanted to wake up. He heard quiet voices again. Will. Definitely one was Will. He assumed the other was the doctor. They were conferring, saying they hoped he woke up soon, it would be another good sign in his recovery. He wondered why he couldn't wake up. He wanted to. He wanted to assure Elizabeth he would be okay. It was frustrating him.

Sometime later he heard Will quietly talking. He must have passed out again. _How long has Will been here? How long was I out this time?_ He heard his kids' names. _Are my kids here?_ He was talking to them. They were worried too. _Come on, Henry. Wake up._

"Stevie, I'm watching them. They are both resting. It's the best thing for them. I promise to call as soon as there is an update. Right now, now news is good news okay?" Will said to Stevie.

Hearing that his children were also worried further irritated Henry. He squeezed Elizabeth's hand tighter, trying to tell her he was okay. She could tell the kids. _Tell them I'm okay. We're okay._

He felt her squeeze back. He felt her breath increase. Then he felt a few of her teardrops drip onto his face. She was crying. Damn it. He hated when she cried. _Wake up, Henry. Show her you are okay._

She tried to calm him, sensing his agitation as she heard the beeps of his monitors sing to a faster pace. _No baby, it's not okay. I need to get up. I need to apologize to you. I need to..._

Will noticed the monitors as well and stood up from the chair he sat in, observing as his sister tried to calm Henry but kept his distance, letting them be.

Suddenly Henry's arm thrashed up, nearly hitting Elizabeth in the face. She gasped and frantically tried to push his arm down as he gripped her fingers so tightly it hurt.

Her breaths were rapid. It was terrifying. Henry's face turned red as he struggled, his body out of his control, his limbs moving in rapid jolts as he regained consciousness. His eyes flew open and met hers. His eyes showed frustration. He couldn't move the way he wanted. He couldn't speak. He saw the terror in Elizabeth's eyes as she watched him struggle.

"Henry Stop!" Elizabeth shouted as she panicked.

Henry tried to stop. But he couldn't. He was reaching for her gently, but his body wasn't listening. It moved rapidly and randomly instead.

"Lizzie. Come here now!" Will tried to coax her away from her husband. This is why he didn't want her in his bed. He'd seen patients have this reaction as they awoke from surgery ; the seizure like movements and the agitation as they realized they couldn't control their body just yet.

Will knew it would not be ideal for Elizabeth to witness her husband awaken in this fashion, given her PTSD. But he couldn't pry her from the bed, and he didn't blame her for laying with him earlier, but her terror was evident now and she was possibly freaking Henry out more with her screams.

"Lizzie." He tried again, a little louder, this time physically gripping her shoulders and pulling her back. "Lizzie, it's okay. This happens sometimes. Just calm down." He turned his attention to Henry, trying to calm him down as Elizabeth retreated to the corner of the room, helpless, sobbing as she slid down the wall.

"It's not okay...he...why is..." she choked.

Dr. Gibson & his team arrived promptly and aided Will in calming Henry. "It's okay Henry. You are just waking up. You cannot speak due to your injuries. The doctors are here to help…"

Henry's agitation did not subside as he worked to lift his hand, pointing to his wife in the corner of the room. His lips quivered as he tried to speak, yet failed. Will finally sensed what he was trying to communicate; Elizabeth was in a full panic attack.

"I've got her, Henry. You focus on calming down and let the doctors help you." Will promised and rushed to Elizabeth's side, coaxing her from the room.

When Elizabeth was secure outside his room, Henry finally settled enough to let the doctors examine him.

"Lizzie. You have to breathe for me okay?" Will told his sister as he got her seated in a chair with her head between her legs. "Come on. In and out."

When she didn't calm after several minutes, he started to worry. He hadn't seen her in a full on panic and wasn't sure how long it would last. He quickly went for her purse, locating her xantax and slid one under her tongue to dissolve. He was glad she didn't fight him on it. She probably didn't even realize he had put it in her mouth she was so wound up.

As the pill began to work, her breath returned as she relaxed and he rubbed soothing circles on her back. As he watched over her sister, he saw the EEG machine being wheeled into Henry's room. He knew he had to keep his sister out of the room until they were done. The last thing he wanted was his sister to see her husband with wires being taped to his head to measure his brain activity. He knew it was a necessary test after the patient awoke; but it could be scary to the naked eye.

He took solace in Henry's ability to show concern for his wife amidst his paralytic seizure and whispered to her. "It's okay Lizzie. It's okay."


	7. Chapter 7

_Hi guys! First of all Happy Easter to those who celebrate! Second. I know. I'm a terrible person for leaving you hanging with this story. What can I say, I work a ton and I did finally get a nice vacation. But back to reality and here's the next part. I sort of feel like I lost my way with this one...but hopefully you enjoy. I hope to finish this one soon because I have like 3 more story ideas, and I hate leaving WIPs so I won't start until this one is done. Thank you for your patience & for all your comments on this story. It seriously means the world to me. I hope you continue to leave your comments & ideas. And also Thank Adi for reminding me to work on this - yes reminders work - so message/comment to me and I will try and write faster. _

**Chapter 7**

It took all of Henry's limited strength to remain semi upright in bed. They had just put him through a multitude of straining tests and not being able to speak made communicating with the doctor difficult. He wished there was a break between the tests, but they kept poking and prodding.

He'd been able to point to cartoon illustrations with adjectives laid out on laminated board to communicate. It was all he had without Elizabeth in the room. She could read him, she would have insisted upon a break when she saw his agitation. But the manner in which he woke up sent her spiraling, and he knew he had to endure the tests before she would come back in. She couldn't handle watching him suffer and he couldn't blame her.

It made him feel worse. This was his own fault after all. His own fault for agreeing with Dalton and flying half way around the world to try and reason with a religious cult leader while his wife was left at home, freshly diagnosed with PTSD.

His limbs were heavy and sore. His eyes threatened to slip shut. But when he saw Elizabeth re-enter the room he mustered a smile for her as she carefully made her way to the bed.

He gently patted his hand on the mattress a couple of times and he felt her slight weight side behind him.

Her soft fingers covered his and she brushed her lips on his cheek.

The relief was evident in her eyes, the doctor must have told her there was no organ damage, and he mustered another smile for her as he reached for the white board to show her a note. _I'm sorry._

"Sorry for what?" she whispered to him, running her fingers across his stubble. "You saved so many people. I'm so proud of you."

He fought hard to write something else on the note. She watched intently as he struggled to draw letters with his heavy fingers. Seeing him struggle to communicate was painful. She wanted to stop him from writing. But he clearly had something he wanted to say. It came across the board as an almost undecipherable scribble. _For scaring you._

"I'm fine." She whispered. "And you're okay now and that's all that matters." Her voice was soft. She was trying to be strong and he knew it. He hated it. He was supposed to be strong for her. He was supposed to be taking care of her, not the other way around. Not only had she had to worry about him and fly down here, but he scared her into a panic attack. That was his fault and his fault alone. He should be the one to protect her from panic attacks, not causing them. It only made him feel worse.

Instead of writing something else he gripped her fingers and brought them up to his lips and he kissed her hand, thanking her and apologizing at once. It was all he could do.

She noticed him fighting back tears. She watched, reading his emotions. "Did they give you something?' she asked him, referring to the pain she etched across his features.

He blinked. _Yes._

"Alright. It will kick in soon. Just rest." She soothed, brushing her lips across his forehead as she smoothed his hair.

He opened his mouth. It felt like sand paper and faintly pointed to the water beside him. She noticed immediately and reached for the cup, offering him a sip of water. He swished it around his mouth before wincing hard as he swallowed. Her face grimaced as she realized how painful it must be to swallow and set the water back down.

"Why don't you close your eyes a while and we'll call the kids later. We can face time. They've been dying to talk to you." Elizabeth said as she settled him and lowered the bed so he could lay down.

He looked at her and breathed heavily, fighting a wave of pain from moving and nodded just slightly. When she saw him grimace she held his hand between hers. "Squeeze my hand when it hurts." She offered as she slid in beside him and lay down. He squeezed her hand tight and she didn't let go, even though it stung her small fingers.

****Quiet Pain*****

It had been a fitful nap. But when he could no longer stay settled, Elizabeth paged the doctor for another dose of pain medication.

Elizabeth remained curled against Henry, rubbing his limbs periodically and squeezing his hand as the waves of pain or nausea came. It reminded her of when she was in labor with Stevie. It was long and terrible, but Henry soothed her as best he could until she finally let herself sub scum to the epidural.

"Are you up to calling the kids?" she asked quietly as she massaged his leg.

He didn't respond. He wasn't really. He didn't want them to see him like this, besides he couldn't talk. But he knew they were worried and he wanted to put on a good face to calm their anxiety.

Elizabeth adjusted Henry's pillows and settled him, which wasn't easy, before she phoned.

"Mom!" Stevie's voice came up high over the phone and she looked onto the facetime screen.

"Hi baby." Elizabeth said quietly as she panned the phone to get Henry in the frame. "I'm here with Dad."

Henry offered a faint smile to the phone. "Oh…Dad….Hi!" Stevie wept in relief and wiped her tears. "Are you okay?"

Elizabeth panned back to herself. "Dad is going to be okay." She told her daughter. "But he does have some painful injuries around his neck, so he can't speak for a while okay…."

She wasn't prepared to get into the fact that his neck was sliced open so far it slashed his vocal cords.

"Go get Ally and Jase so they can say hi too." Elizabeth instructed.

Stevie nodded and they could hear her yell for her brother and sister. "Guys, Mom and Dad are on the phone." They could hear loud thuds as they bounded down the stairs and joined Stevie on the facetime frame.

"Dad!" All cried, waving and blowing kisses. "You okay?"

Henry winced as he reached for the white board to scribble a message and held it up. _Hi. Love u._

"You're going to be okay?" Jase asked.

Elizabeth squeezed into the frame with Henry and nodded. "Dad is going to be fine."

Jase nodded and the adults watched their children hug each other in relief. "When are you coming home?" Ally asked.

"Soon baby. I promise. As soon as they give dad permission to fly."

The children nodded and they soon said their goodbyes, as they could tell their dad was struggling to write to them. They blew each other kisses and ended the call.

Elizabeth set the phone down and wiped the stray tear from her husband's cheek. "It's okay Henry." She soothed. "They understand. You'll be home and will be able to hug them soon."

Henry closed his eyes for a moment and reached for his board again. He struggled to form letters and hastily threw the board to the floor, looking down when he heard it crash on tile.

"What is it?" Elizabeth asked, tears shimmering in her eyes as her heart ached for him.

He grumbled through a loud breath, frustrated beyond belief that he couldn't speak. It was who he was. Words were everything to him.

"Tell me." Elizabeth pushed.

 _I can't. Literally._

"Look at me Henry." She pleaded, her eyes boring into his. They could communicate without words. She couldn't tell you the countless times they'd called each other in sorrow or confusion over the years. Be it when she just missed him in while he was overseas, or when she was on her way home from a trip and just needed to hear him breathe. They could read each other with only a glance, a touch or in some cases over the phone with the pattern of their breath and simply be there for one another. She hadn't forgotten that connection and she conveyed it in her glace, showing him no matter what she could hear everything he couldn't say.

He swallowed and looked into her eyes. _Baby, what if I can never speak again. What if I never get to tell you or the kids how much I love you. What if….._

Teardrops slid down her cheeks. "Henry….it isn't going to come to that.""

 _Babe. You don't know….What if._

 _"_ Then I'll be your voice. I love you. And I know you love me. The kids know you love them. We can feel it. Don't you feel it?"

 _Of course I do. I love you._

"It's going to be okay. It's just temporary."

 _I hope you are right._


	8. Chapter 8

AN: Hi! As always I want to start by thanking you for all your wonderful reviews and messages! I say it often but it's true, they make me smile so much. So please keep them coming! I managed to update this within 1 week, so I hope to continue with more regular updates. I took the angst down a notch in this chapter. But don't worry more to come...hope you enjoy this in place of a new episode tonight.

 **Chapter 8**

Stephanie McCord let sighed; her Irish Poetry class was not the welcome distraction she'd been looking for. Then she heard her front door close and familiar voice, and she dropped her pencil and smiled. "McCords!"

"Uncle Will!" she shrieked like a little girl as she bounded down the stairs.

Allison and Jason had joined in the group hug at the bottom of the stairs when they heard the excitement.

"What are you doing here? Is Dad okay?" Ally asked nervously

"I missed you guys." Will told his favorite nieces and nephews and they didn't buy that was the only reason for their Uncle's visit. They were bright children with parents who used to work in the CIA. Jason's investigative skills had become especially strong lately.

"You mom and dad are fine. But it will be a few more days before they can come home, so Mom asked me to come look after you guys."

"We don't need looking after." Stevie insisted, she was an adult.

"Okay, then I came to hang out with you guys until they get back…." Will smiled walking to the fridge. "What have you got to eat around here?"

******Quiet Pain******

Elizabeth held the spoon to Henry's mouth, gently poking and making cute faces. Henry was not amused with her antics and pushed his tray away.

"Henry. You have to try and eat." She pleaded.

Henry scribbled on his white board; he was getting stronger now that his blood transfusions were complete. _Don't baby me._

"I'm not….I'm trying to help you….Henry please let…"

Henry sighed and swiped the spoon from her hand. He _hated_ having to be cared for. He hated that she had to help him shower the first day, that she had to help him stand and walk. Granted she was a wonderful caregiver; he'd watched her in awe with their children. But he never wanted to be the one she physically had to care for.

She could tell he was tense as he swiped the spoon. She knew he didn't like to be taken care of and babied, but it was necessary in her opinion. If she were in the hospital bed he would have been giving her the same attention.

He dug his spoon into his applesauce and slipped it between his lips, wincing as he swallowed. It burned like hell. But the doctor was insistent that he needed to be on lower doses of pain medication and able to eat before they would release him and there was nothing he wanted more than the comfort of his own bed. He was still on soft foods and was getting quite tired of applesauce and jello.

 _You had better eat something too._ Henry wrote on his bored. Elizabeth was terrible at eating regularly, and it was the one thing he could do to care for her.

Elizabeth's eyes widened. "Fine. I'll make you a deal."

Henry stared at her, waiting patiently for the terms of the deal.

"At dinner, for every bite I eat – you eat."

Henry blinked indicating his approval of the deal and smiled devilishly as he took another bite of his applesauce.

Elizabeth's eyes widened at his expression and she playfully punched his shoulder. "You're a pain in the ass you know." She teased with a smile.

He tiredly winked at her as he wrote on the board. _So are you._

Laughing she sat beside him in bed, and pressed a kiss to his temple. "You're lucky I love you so much."

*****Quiet Pain*****

Elizabeth returned to the hospital around dinner time freshly showered and changed; a change of real clothes in tow for Henry.

"On your feet soldier." She bellowed from the door, tossing his jeans and a t-shirt his way.

Henry looked at her. _Excuse me._

"I got permission to take you out for the night."

 _Elizabeth._

"Come on. Get dressed. I'm taking you out to dinner – I think some fresh air and vitamin D might do you some good."

He wanted to protest. But she was a sight for sore eyes. Fresh jeans and a button down sleeveless top and a pair of wedge sandals. She'd even put on makeup for the first time since she'd been in Miami.

After a moment he couldn't help but smile at her sweet expression and pulled back the covers from his hospital bed and padded to the bathroom to wash up.

It was an effort, but he'd managed to shave and wash his face and he dressed in the clothing she brought. She had clearly made an effort to get him out of the hospital for the night, and he knew it probably wasn't easy. He emerged with a smile on his face as he walked toward her.

She smiled genuinely at him, happy that he was feeling better. "Hey, there's my handsome date."

He laughed at her she rose from the bed and met his lips for a quick kiss. They linked arms and she draped her sweater on her free arm as they slowly walked to the front entrance of the hospital.

They soon found themselves seated on an outdoor table at a quaint beachside bistro. They sat in silence reading over the menu, letting the sound of the ocean waves wash over and calm them. Henry reached for Elizabeth's hand across the table, thanking her.

 _How on earth did you manage to pull this off?_ He texted her.

Elizabeth's phone beeped and she pulled it from her pocket, curious who the text was from and smiled when she saw it was from him. She looked up at him and smiled. "I'm very convincing."

 _That I know._ He texted.

"When I first got to Miami, I was…well I was a mess. You had made it through the surgery and Will arrived. He made me leave for a while and he took me to breakfast and we went for a walk on the beach. It did me a world of good just getting outside for a while. Plus I know hospital food sucks…..it took some persuasion, but the doctor felt better that DS is here in case anything happened."

He leaned in to kiss her gently and followed up with a text. _You're amazing. Thank you._

"I love you, Henry." She said simply and they settled back into a silence as they reviewed the menu. "Babe, let me know what you want to eat okay?" she said after a few minutes. There were quite a few pasta options on the menu she thought Henry would be able to swallow easily.

Henry wasn't thrilled with her speaking for him to the waitress, but unfortunately he didn't have a choice. He pointed on his menu to a seafood linguine he wanted to try.

"That sounds good, Henry. Did you want soup or to try the salad?" she asked, her eyes peeking over the menu. Reading his expression she nodded. "I'll ask what the soup is."

When the waitress came she placed a basket of freshly baked bread on the table. "What can I get for you?" she asked

"I'll have the blackened salmon with vegetables."

"Soup or Salad?"

"What's the soup?"

"We have minestrone, clam chowder and seafood gumbo."

She read Henry's eyes as the waitress spoke.

"I'll have a salad with whatever vinagerette you have…." She trailed, getting ready to order for Henry when the waitress turned to him.

"And for you sir."

She knew her husband's heart sank and she placed her hand on his knee under the table as she spoke. "He'll have the seafood linguine and the minestrone soup."

She smiled gently, noticing the neck brace on Henry. "I'll put that right in."

Elizabeth was a sucker for carbs and quickly spread some butter on a piece of bread and ate it. "Henry are you counting the bites?" she winked at him, a teasing gleam in her eye.

He smiled, forgetting the humiliation he felt when his wife had to order his meal and took a sip of his iced tea.

 _Babe, you should order a glass of wine if you want._

He couldn't drink because of his pain meds and he noticed she had forgone a glass when he wasn't drinking. It wasn't necessary in his opinion.

Knowing it would make him happy, she ordered a glass of white wine when the waitress came to check on them and they shared the rest of their meal happily. Henry took pleasure in feeding her a bite of his food and she gave him a bite of hers. Their little game of eating equal bites of food was forgotten as they both cleaned their plates, enjoying their first real meal in days. Henry had even talked her into sharing a slice of key lime pie, since they were in Florida.

 _You up for a walk on the beach?_ He texted her as they rose from the table.

"Of course." She smiled at him as he offered his arm and they made their way to the water.

Elizabeth wrapped her arms around his husband's waist as they walked along the beach, resting her head on his chest.

Henry's hand circled and rested on her hip as they walked, each lost in their own thoughts. Henry tried to push the scary thoughts of life without a voice in the back of mind and focused on his wife. He was so thankful he was alive and holding her in his arms. She looked stunning as the ocean breeze tousled her hair and the warm rays of the sun kissed her skin, bringing out her freckles. He was so lucky to have her. He bent and placed a kiss to her hair causing her to look up and smile. He bent again, their noses nuzzling before their lips met and they continued to walk.

Their feet left footprints in the sand as the ocean water brushed over their bare feet and Elizabeth shivered as the evening set in. "What do you say we stay and watch the sunset?"

Henry didn't protest and pointed to a couple of beach loungers in the distance. Henry sat down on one of the loungers and scooted to make room for his wife. She curled against his side as they gazed at the pink and purple sky in front of them.

He was lost in his thoughts once again. _What if I can never speak? I don't want to be an invalid with my wife ordering my meals at restaurants. How will I teach? I don't want to text my wife. I want to talk to her, and tell her things._

But he chose not to share his thoughts with Elizabeth just yet. He didn't want to ruin tonight. It was a wonderful night, one he wasn't expecting and it was all because of her. Not talking in this moment was normal for them, they simply relished in being together and enjoying something romantic. That is one thing he was glad this didn't change. His ability to enjoy the sunset with his wife.

He smiled as she snuggled closer and leaned up for a kiss. They kissed tenderly for a few moments and smiled when they pulled away, watching together as the heavy orange ball of the sun began to dip behind the horizon.

Elizabeth reached in her pocket for her phone and snapped a quick photo capturing gorgeous scenery before them, including their sand covered toes. She texted her children the photo. "Dad is feeling much better. We enjoyed a meal at the beach and are soaking in the sunset. Xoxo."

Henry looked down at her, seeing that she texted the kids and kissed her again. _Love you_. He mouthed to her when their lips broke, their noses touching.

 _Love you too._ She mouthed back, brushing his lips once more before, breaking apart just in time to see the sun dip fully below the ocean.

******Quiet Pain*********

"Uncle Will! Look at this picture mom sent!" Ally said as she showed the phone to her uncle.

Will looked at the photo and smiled, _now that is true love._ He thought. "That's great, Ally. Hopefully your dad will be home soon."

Ally texted back. "Miss and love you. Get home soon!"


	9. Chapter 9

_AN: Hello friends. It's me! I'm back (ducks and hides - is anyone still there?). For those still here, thanks for being so patient with this story. I have been struggling with my writing for a while now and I'm not sure why. Maybe these episodes are getting to me more than I thought! Can we say intense? Anyway, I hope this was worth the wait. It feels a little jumbled to me, but hopefully you can follow! This chapter sort sets the stage for the next few chapters. Please leave me your comments, they make my day! They really do!_

 **Chapter 9**

In an eerily familiar manner, the three wonderful McCord children bounded into the foyer to meet their father as he walked in the door to their home. They enveloped Henry in hugs, hellos and love yous. Elizabeth watched and it reminded her of the scene just a month or so earlier when she had opened the door when she arrived home from Iran. A similar, sad smile graced her husband's features and she knew he felt it too. He knew what Elizabeth felt like – so happy to be home and alive, yet so much lingering pain.

Elizabeth and Will eventually shooed the kids away, and moved to settle Henry on the couch with a book and blanket. Will and Stevie quickly got around to making dinner while Jason & Ali tried to entertain their father while Elizabeth retreated to the bedroom to unpack their things.

*****Quiet Pain*****

Stevie sensed her brother and sister were struggling to be positive and happy around their father as she stirred the stew she was making.

They were relieved he was okay and home, but it was strange for him not to be able to talk to them. Ali especially had a close bond with her father and could always talk to him about anything.

Jason was quick to excuse himself, always one to bury his feelings. But Ali tried to be the good daughter and sat with her father on the couch, re-counting to him tales of her last week at school. She was trying not to show disappointment when her father couldn't respond to her.

Henry smiled at his daughter and ran his hand over her smooth dark hair, trying to soothe the nerves he sensed from her. "Ali, you are on your phone all the time…I thought me texting you was preferred" he texted her.

He finally managed to get a slight laugh from Ali and she leaned in and hugged him. "I should let you rest. You look tired." She finally said a few minutes later, leaving Henry alone in the living room.

Stevie watched from the kitchen as her sister hugged her dad and left. She continued to stir the stew as she heard her phone beep. A text from her father. "Smells good in there….can I help?"

Stevie smiled slightly and texted back, watching her sister walk up the stairs "No way. Mom would kill me if I let you off the couch."

Will came up behind Stevie a few minutes later and said. "Why don't you go up and check on them. I can handle this stew."

******Quiet Pain *******

Elizabeth methodically pulled the items from the suitcase and put them away. As she pulled each of Henry's sweaters from the suitcase, she held the material to her nose, breathing in his scent. She normally hated laundry, but smelling Henry's sweaters as she put them away was always what made the chore worth it. It was a habit she developed long ago, when he was deployed. When she had pulled the clothes from the drawers a week ago when she flew to Miami, she wondered if she'd ever get a chance to put the clothes away again. Smelling the sweaters as she folded them in the drawer was a comforting reminder that they were in fact home again.

Unbeknownst to her, her three children stood in the doorway of her bedroom, watching as she smelled her father's sweaters before putting them away. It told them that she had been scared too, as they were now, seeking comfort in the familiar.

As Elizabeth turned, she noticed them out of the corner of her eye and walked over to them, concern written on her face. "What's wrong guys?" she asked them reaching out to them. "I thought you were keeping your dad company?"

Ali was on the verge of tears and Stevie gently pushed her emotional sister and confused brother into the bedroom. Elizabeth sat down on the bed and the kids surrounded her.

"Is dad really okay?" Ali asked

"Of course baby." Elizabeth said, stroking her daughter's hair.

"But he can't talk. He has a brace on his neck. How is that okay?"

Elizabeth frowned and looked all her children in the eyes. "Look. I know it's hard. And Scary. But remember when I came home….I was injured…but I'm fine now. And Dad is going to be fine too." She knew there was chance this was as okay as he would ever be and it was scary. But she had to be positive. "I know it's weird that when you talk, he can't speak back. I've been with him for a few days….and it bothers him too. So we need to be there for him and make him comfortable. Treat him like you would any other day, okay? Can you do that?"

The kids nodded with tears in their eyes. It was a similar conversation they had with their Dad when they found out Elizabeth's status in Iran was unknown. This however was new to Jason and he just followed the lead of his sisters.

Elizabeth opened her arms and all three kids hugged her, letting their tears fall in front of her only, so as to not upset their father. She hugged them all, soothing them. Stevie and Allison remembered a similar moment their shared with their father, sharing relief that their mom was coming home. They felt a similar relief that they were all back together again, but a similar fear in watching their father not be able to speak, similar to how they had watched their mother shut the world out. They watched as their father slowly brought her back, and they had faith their mother would do the same for their dad.

Will had been watching for a couple of minutes, touched by the sight of Elizabeth holding her three amazing children in the center of the bed as if they were little. He gently rapped his knuckles on the door frame, causing four pairs of crying eyes to look at him. "I don't mean to interrupt, but dinner is ready."

Elizabeth nodded and kissed her kids one by one as they got up from the bed, wiping their eyes and moving to the hallway, prepared to put on a happy face for their dad at dinner.

"Stevie wait." Elizabeth said as she stood. Stevie turned to her mother. Elizabeth pulled her into her own hug. "Thank you for holding down the fort while I was gone." She whispered into her daughter's hair. "You are such a strong young lady….I'm so proud of you."

Stevie pulled back, it was a wonderful complement from her mother. She always did her best to emulate her, in all honesty, it was her mother she should thank for her strength. "Thanks for taking care of dad, and bringing him back." She said instead.

Elizabeth nodded, kissing her forehead. "I love you baby." She was at a loss for words. She was so fiercely proud of her eldest, and saw so much of her younger self within Stevie.

*****Quiet Pain*****

Silence.

It was a deafening sound. A sound Elizabeth McCord hated. Silence was different than quiet. Quiet she appreciated. Silence she did not.

Since Henry had been home yesterday it had been uncomfortably silent in the house. After the kids left for school & Will had left for home – promising to return for Easter with Annie & Sophie, it left just Elizabeth & Henry in the house.

It had been deafeningly silent all day and she couldn't bear it. Henry seemed to be taking it well, trying to rest. Henry enjoyed quiet. He always said it was a welcome break from his loud family growing up. He read for much of the time, leaving Elizabeth alone in her office trying to catch up on emails, but to no avail, simply overwhelmed by her the sound of her thoughts.

He hadn't really needed her home, he could walk around and get things for himself. But she wanted to take care of him as he had done for her so many times. It was that simple gesture of being at home with him, without the kids in total silence that really was eating at her. She could hear the ice dropping in the fridge, the furnace coming on and off, the clock ticking. It was too much. She felt the need to escape!

Even later that night when the children were home, she heard gaps of silence. It wasn't a clearly recognizable sound, but it was rather the absence of what usually could be heard in their home that stung. She could hear the strain the children were feeling that they had told her about the previous day. They weren't outwardly showing it; they were all being sweet to their dad. As Elizabeth washed the dishes, she could hear Ali holding a one sided conversation with her father as they played a game of chess.

She could feel her husband's distress that he had to text his daughter his witty comebacks instead of them just rolling off his tongue. Allison's laughter was delayed a few seconds as she received the text.

After the dishes were washed; Elizabeth made her way into the living room. She sat on the arm of the couch and stroked her daughter's long hair. Allison wisely took the hint from her mother and excused herself. Elizabeth smiled as she left and bent to kiss her husband. "How are you feeling?" she asked.

Henry shrugged his shoulders and yawned. Elizabeth immediately knew he was tired and helped him to bed.

As they lay beneath the sheets, silence enveloping them once more she rolled to him and stroked his cheek. "Do you think you would be okay for a while tomorrow alone?"

Henry nodded, but looked at her – his eyes glistening with concern in the dim light. _What's wrong babe? Something's been bothering you all day._

"Okay. I was just thinking I should go to work for a while….you know we've got the peace deal signing coming up….so." She trailed off, feeling a little guilty. She couldn't possibly burden her husband with her worry – he needed to focus on getting better. He didn't need to worry about how she was coping.

Henry couldn't speak his response, so he simply brushed her lips with hers, indicating that it was okay that she go. He knew the peace treaty was important; she'd risked her own life for it. But there was more to it than that. He would get to the bottom of it.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"I should be just so thankful he is alive. And I am. It's just….the silence is so difficult for me." Elizabeth confessed, wiping a stray tear from her cheek.

"Why is the silence difficult?" Dr. Sherman asked softly. They'd made significant progress with her PTSD triggers, silence was not one of them. She wondered where this was coming from.

* * *

 _1989_

 _Elizabeth Adams sat alone in her dorm room. It wasn't an unusual occurrence during winter break. She had been used to it. Since her brother enrolled in medical school, he'd often had to work on the holidays instead of being able to visit her at school._

 _Gone were the days of them watching a movie and eating take out together, exchanging a small gift or two. She'd turned down the invitation from her roommate to go home to California with her family. She didn't want the pity faces that usually came with that._

 _She was independent and used to holidays alone. She actually found she got a lot done. She'd clean her wardrobe, catch up on sleep, reading and simply enjoy the quiet beauty of the school campus._

 _That particular Christmas Eve morning Elizabeth watched the weather report as she ate a bowl of cereal. They were predicting the most terrible blizzard in years and she sighed, upset it would likely de-rail her carry out plans as places were sure to shut down early. She decided she had better make a run to the grocery store before the storm of the century and pick up something she could make herself for dinner. She was less than thrilled about this; settling in on the fact that she'd likely be eating another bowl of cereal or a simple TV dinner she could heat herself, since her cooking skills were not great._

 _She bundled up in her warmest coat and boots and braved the cold; carefully navigating her car to the corner store. Picking up a small basket she gathered her groceries as quick as possible among the frenzied last minute shoppers fighting over the few remaining turkeys and hams in the meat section. She was lucky she was not one of those._

 _She plucked some lunchmeat, bread and yogurt from the shelves; figuring sandwiches could be another easy meal on hand if the storm did come her way. She also grabbed some cans of soup, more cereal and a couple lean cuisines from the freezer. Along with a carton of double fudge ice cream. She waited in a terribly long line and wished the grumpy cashier a Merry Christmas politely, telling her she was sorry she had to work instead of being home with her family._

 _Sometimes she wondered if the cashiers and waiters who worked on the holiday were like her, trying to work through the holiday to conceal the disappointment of not having a family to return home to. Either way it was disappointing she supposed, not having a family or being forced to be apart from them due to work. She often hoped her kind words brightened their day, as she knew sometimes she felt that way._

 _That evening back in her dorm, she flipped through the channels trying to decide on what sappy Christmas movie to watch as she warmed a cup of soup. Mid-way through_ White Christmas _the power flickered, then went out._

 _"Fantastic." She thought as she rummaged for a candle and flashlight. She sat alone in the silence for two hours before deciding to get up and see if the security guards were around; she knew there was a back-up generator and they should have turned it on by now._

 _As she tiptoed down the dorm hallway in silence, the glow of the flashlight guiding her way she soon realized even they had gone home, even the security guards; assuming no one was left on campus. She was truly alone._

 _Returning to her room, she crawled into her bed and sobbed. It was dark and cold, the wind and snow swirling and howling outside her window. She'd never felt so isolated and alone. She didn't even get to finish her soup before it chilled._

 _The power was off for a full day. By the time it came back on, she'd huddled under every sweater and blanket she owned. It was freezing and couldn't even have a hot meal or cup of coffee. It was one of the worst days of her life. Not a single soul to talk to. With the power out she couldn't even call her brother to wish him a Merry Christmas. A million thoughts ran through her mind. What if the power didn't come back on? No one knew she was there alone? Am I going to die here alone in the snow?_

 _It was silent. She could hear nothing but the sound of her own breaths and sobs._

* * *

"When classes started the next January, I met Henry….and by the time we reached the holiday season he had taken me home to meet his loud, raucous family. He promised me I'd never have another silent Christmas…." Elizabeth remembered before getting back to the topic at hand. "I know there are other ways to communicate. And Henry & I can read each other so well….I know he knows that something is bothering me. Even though he can't say anything."

"Have you spoken to him about this?" Dr. Sherman tried again, since Elizabeth had re-directed her first question.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because he needs to focus on recovering, not helping me. He is worried too. He doesn't need my worries on top of it."

"So he has told you his fears."

"Yes."

"Don't you think you should share yours then?"

"I suppose. But, I want him to focus on getting better. I should be focused on helping him. This is why I came, so I can get back to focusing on him."

Dr. Sherman smiled, realizing the approach she needed to take to make Elizabeth understand. "I think you are forgetting a very important fact. Men like to fix things. And from what you have told me about your husband, he has that quality – doesn't he. He wanted to fix your silent Christmas, and fix your PTSD, and many other things….right?"

"Yes, but…."

"Elizabeth. I think right now maybe Henry feels a little…..impotent in a way. Right now, with him unable to talk, he probably feels like he is not able to fulfill his husbandly and fatherly duties to you and your family. Let him help you through this. In turn it will help him, because he will feel whole, like he is contributing and not a burden."

Dr. Sherman noticed something clicked with Elizabeth and she nodded. "Thank you Dr. Sherman."

* * *

It wasn't until two nights later that she was able to come home at a decent hour. She'd of course texted Henry multiple times to check on him, and he assured her he was fine. Although she wasn't sure if he believed that she was actually tied up or just avoiding him since they hadn't had a chance to discuss anything since night she told him she needed to go back to work.

She came home to a scene that melted her heart; Allison being sweet as ever self, just as she'd promised studying for the driving test with her dad.

Henry looked relieved to see her and she wasn't sure if it was because he'd missed her, or because Allison was driving him nuts with her responses to the driving test questions. When she walked in she heard Allison say "well that's it's problem." If Henry could have she was sure he'd be groaning at her.

Flipping the laptop away, Allison gushed over her mother's hair on TV during the peace treaty signing Elizabeth took off her coat and Henry rose to greet her. She sighed in exhaustion and planted a huge kiss on her husband's lips.

"I love you." She said against his lips, kissing him feverishly again.

His arms tightened around waist and roamed her back as he kissed her back, unable to actually speak his affection, but doing his best to convey it through his actions until Allison interrupted. "I'm right here." She whined, forcing Elizabeth to reluctantly pulled away.

Allison decided to it was best leave her parents when she saw the disappointed look in her mother's eye when she pulled away. Rolling her eyes, she walked away.

"I feel like fro-yo." Elizabeth said, moving into kiss Henry again. "Wanna go?"

He nodded against her lips in a soft kiss and gently swatted her behind to get her moving. They donned their coats and asked Frank to drive them to the ice cream shop on the corner.

Upon entering the shop Elizabeth placed and order for their usual as Henry reached for a ten dollar bill from his wallet and eyed Elizabeth as he handed it over to the cashier. At least he could pay.

They moved to sit at a secluded corner booth, Henry carried their ice cream cups to the table when they were ready. Elizabeth smiled. "Thanks, babe. Who said chivalry isn't dead…."

Henry nodded with a wink and dug the spoon into his ice cream, the coldness feeling wonderful on his throat. _You sign a peace deal with the middle east, the least I can do is buy you ice cream after a rough day._ He texted.

Smiling sadly, Elizabeth reached her hand across the table to find his, gently fingering his wedding band under her fingertip. "Henry, I need to tell you something…." She began slowly.

He pulled her hand to his lips and kissed her knuckles, letting her know she had his full attention.

She swallowed a bite of her chocolate ice cream and began to speak. "I feel terrible saying this….but outside of the treaty thing today, I really didn't need to go to the office the last few days. I was sort of running away…."

Henry nodded. He knew.

"I just…..I went to see Dr. Sherman the other morning, and she said I needed to tell you. So I am, and I feel guilty for what I did. But it's just…..I'm having a hard time dealing with the silence. It reminds me of that terrible Christmas….." She trailed off, wiping a stray tear from her face. "I don't want to burden you with how I'm coping, but I just….I wanted you to know. And I know that you will talk again. I do. But on the slim chance you can't, I know we will work through it and be fine…I just, it scares me to think about that possibility."

Henry nodded softly patting the seat beside him and she rose and slid next to him. He wrapped one arm around her and kissed her hair, as she settled against him, while his hand reached for his phone to text his reply.

 _It's okay babe. I knew something was bothering you and I'm glad you told me. It scares me too. I've been thinking about it a lot….the possibility. And I've come to realize this._

He paused, looked into her eyes as he tilted her chin upwards and kissed her softly and mouthed, "I love you."

She smiled at him when the tender kiss broke and mirrored his actions, mouthing. "I love you too."

 _We'll find other ways to communicate and make it work. I'll go write more books instead of teaching. I'll learn sign language. But know this babe. I love you. And I'll never let a day pass where you don't know it, or feel it. Even if I can't speak the words, I can still kiss you and hold you….and other things. You are all I need._

She giggled when he texted her 'other things' and reached for her phone _. You know you can kiss me and do 'other things' anytime…_

He laughed and kissed her. _Promise you won't run away to work again?_

"Promise. "

Nodding he set his phone down and lifted his hand, moving it into a position where his thumb, index finger and pinky finger were up, while his other fingers were down.

She looked at him quizzically.

After showing her for a moment, he texted her. _It means I love you in sign language. I've been learning a few phrases while I've been home….you know just in case. Besides…I was bored._

She looked at him, amazed and immediately formed her fingers into the I love you symbol he just showed her and spoke. "Teach me?"

He nodded. _Of course._

She placed her hand down and reached for his face, stroking his cheek. "And when you can talk again, maybe it can be our little secret way of communicating."

Gazing into her eyes, amazed at her attitude, he pulled her hand down, squeezing it tight while he planted another soft kiss on her lips.

When they pulled apart they smiled at one another; both feeling better after their heart to heart. Elizabeth was quick to lighten the mood. "So….how do you say 'can I have some of your ice cream' in sign language?"

Grinning, Henry shook his head at her playfully and offered her a spoonful of his mint chocolate chip to try. Somehow in that moment, he was sure they would be just fine.

* * *

 _AN: I KNOW GUYS! I took forever. I'm sorry. I hope it was worth the wait! I have had a very busy summer (mostly fun things...and work), forgive me. I will try my best to not take so long with the next chapter. I've also been working on a sort of AU fic and I'm trying to finish writing it before I start posting - so ya'll are not waiting around so long between updates. Please leave your comments...they mean the world to me and they let me know you don't hate me for keeping you hanging!_


End file.
